in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
