you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
