He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
