these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
