8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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