If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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