you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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