pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
