I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
