Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I need moral support for this bender
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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