you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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