he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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