dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
