I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
