Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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