kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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