I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
