Only a mothe r could love this liver
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I was not drunk enough for that final.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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