it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
