Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
