I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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