Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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