thus making me awesome and them whores
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
