some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
