I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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