a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't want my vagina anymore.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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