If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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