someone get that fucking seahorse.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize