i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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