a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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