So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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