I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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