Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
