my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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