You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
