So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
