Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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