i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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