He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
