fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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