i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
