you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
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