He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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