Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
worst night to have a conscience
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
