If that was your dad, he is hot
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
