Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
