I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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