eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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