dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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