Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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