I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
