Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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