No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
why do cheetos always look like penises
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
