ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
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I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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