At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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