Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You took a bar mat shot.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
