You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
