Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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