"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
