today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
