Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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