if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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